A bright blot.

Tom Cruise recalls his first meeting with Katie Holmes

I am walking. Slowly at first, but I begin to pick up speed. It is cold out. Below my feet, the wet concrete glistens and the tips of my shoes grow speckled from the droplets I spring up with each step. I stop at 43rd street and try to hail a cab. I realize I am out of hail. Then I see her. Her flowing brown hair drifts in the wind like how I imagine a horse’s mane would flow, if I believed in horses. I quickly pull my pant up and quit peeing on the newspapers. She is walking, slowly, as though nervous or impressed by how much pee I have. Her dress is a calm shade of blue from underneath a short, brown jacket. At this point, I’m out of pee, and my pants are completely soaked and warm, my favorite type of pant. She glimpses down at my wet pant and I immediately know she is impressed.

“Hello miss, you look cold,” I say with just enough gusto.

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” she says through impressed lips.

“Then why are your leg hairs sticking out like that? They look long and cold.” I smile to myself, knowing that this is a clear sign of arousal.

I lower myself to my knees, and begin rubbin’ her legs with my warmest newspaper. She screams, clearly aroused. She begins to run. We run together, deeply in love; she always a few steps ahead of me, crying and screaming. I start to cry, because I have never felt something so naturally beautiful. She cries and cries.

“HELP! HELP!” She screams, begging me to warm her legs again.

I am sprinting, and it becomes difficult to keep up with my pant around my legs, peeing onto another newspaper. I finally catch her and ask her if she’d like to dance. She’d rather keep running, and I understand. Carefully, I sneak a small rodent from out of my pocket. I am not sure if it is a mouse or a gerbil, but I begin to pee on it anyway. This excites her, and she starts to wildly flail her arms, screaming “GET AWAY FROM ME!” and sprinting. I start screaming this too, because I want all the people on the sidewalk to give us our privacy.

“LEAVE US ALONE!” I scream, winking at her.

This makes her cry with endearment, looking at me with sad, knowing eyes. She knows we belong together. She seems tired. I notice this especially when she can no longer run. She falls to the ground, overcome with passion. I begin to cover her in newspapers, mainly around her cold, hairy legs.

Me and Karen.

Out of the corner of his eye, a branch fluttered softly as he walked with his head to the ground, watching his feet kick through the snow. He thought about past loves and dreams he’d thought he’d forgotten. He then asked himself, “Why am I walking right now?” He was a bird, so he started flying. He flew over to a McDonalds, where he got in line at the drive-through. He was starving, but he only had enough for a small fry, and he hated fries. He decided to order them anyway. He got up to the talking box that asked for his order. He realized then that, being a bird, he didn’t know English and could not possibly order his fries. He was fine with that. He zipped up his coat and pocketed his money. He started to fly, this time back home to his wife and eggs, which he missed dearly after his long day at work. The winter air was bitter cold on his orange, glossy beak as he fought the wind furiously with his tired wings. He looked like a plastic bag flopping through the night sky. When he got back to the nest, it was empty. No warm dinner on the table, no loving embrace. In fact, no table at all, this was a bird’s nest and there simply wasn’t room for a table or any wooden structure for that matter. He scratched at the floor with his talons, which revealed a small note: “I have taken your family. You will never see them again, I will crush one egg every hour until you pay me one hundred thousand dollars”. He looked at the note in disbelief, because of course, he was a bird and could not possibly read the note. He sat down in the nest and began to pick at his feathers and tweet.

Meanwhile, his wife Karen and her four precious eggs sat caged up in a cold, damp warehouse on the lower east side of the city. Karen patted her sides for her phone to call for help, but quickly realized she was a bird and had no idea what a phone even was. She squawked and squawked in vain, praying to some bird god for help that she grew increasingly more aware would never come. She heard a door creek open. Footsteps echoed through the hall on the front side of the cage. A shadow grew larger and the footsteps grew louder. She thought she could hear her eggs rattling, shaking in their shells in terror. A beak emerged from the darkness, then two black eyes from underneath a fedora.

“Hello, Karen. I’m sorry we have to meet in such unfortunate circumstances”, the man said with a sickening grin. “Wh-wh-who are you?” Karen stammered as she slowly cast one wing around her fragile eggs. “That is no concern of yours for now, just hope your husband can meet his end of the bargain, and you will all be safe.” In reality, they were just squawking at each other, as they were both birds, and neither could understand anything as complex as kidnapping or extortion. They squawked and squawked, thinking they were getting somewhere in the situation, but in reality, they were just birds. The man put his fedora back on and calmly walked back into the darkness. Karen wiped the tears from her eyes, knowing that she needed to stay strong for her eggs if they were ever going to make it out of this alive. Her mind wandered to her husband: What had he done to deserve this punishment? What was his name? How am I processing such complex thought, I’m only a bird?

Back at the nest, with his feathers neatly groomed, he sat down and flicked on the television. He searched frantically for Family Matters, because he loved Steve Urkel. “Did I do that?”, he murmured to himself, chuckling. “God damnit!” he screamed, after the first hour of television went by without even a glimpse of Family Matters. Soon, he realized that because he was a bird, he didn’t even own a television, and had never even heard of Family Matters. He decided to search for worms instead. Sadly, he never attended to his wife, and being a bird, actually completely forgot she even existed and quickly mated with another bird, whom he had just met. Karen and her capturer soon fell in love, after his attachment to the kids became too much to bear after they hatched. Eventually, the birds all died.

All We Need (Lyrics)

We’ve been pretending we don’t know our left from our right or right from wrong
but we can’t pretend anymore.
We’ve been ascending and ascending higher and higher in our minds
it brings us back home again.
And we’ll hide our eyes from whatever we don’t wanna see yet. 
Anticipation and self medication have got us by the strings
making our ears ring.

Because it’s all we need
to keep us hidden from reality
to keep us burning with the morning sun
within the woodwork of a cold city
our pretty eyes have taken reddish hues
Oh my god, what have we done?
what contaminated fun
just one more time.

We’ve been collecting up all of our hate in a jar for later days,
we just can’t face it right now.
We’ve been all folded up, backs to the real world run by the men
we don’t want to be yet
so we’ll hide our eyes from whatever we don’t want to see yet.
and anticipation and self mutilation have got us by the strings,
making our ears ring

I’ll know my maker when she calls for me
I’ll know my maker when she calls
I’ll know my maker when she calls 


Crave (Lyrics)

Let your cold, shaky sigh, lift your head all filled with rye,
and the corners of your lips are stained red.
I had yours, you had mine, what a lovely waste of time,
what’s it take to get in your head?
Oh crave, crave, it’s a word and I’m it’s slave,
because I never have as much as I need.
Yours, yours, it gets stronger as it pours
and you take it ‘til you make yourself bleed

You really fucked it all
I could feel it in the morning
Just how hard will you fall?
I asked you please to heed.
You really fucked it all,
can’t you feel it in the morning?
Just how hard will you fall?
I asked you please to heed,
I asked you please to heed.

Oh fall, follow me down
Follow, a lead astray.
Crave, crave, it’s a word and I’m it’s slave
and what’s the use in building a wreck?
Yours, yours, it gets stronger as it pours
so you let it grow to keep you in check?

I asked you
heed my words
I asked you
heed my call


Attention (Lyrics)

Well I don’t want to feign some hard-earned pain
or talk about the moon or the stars or the rain
or write about the drugs that lead me on
or sing about the people who’ve done me wrong
So go ahead and pen your petty cries
can’t you see the wear in everyone’s eyes
and every drop of time they pour into you,
builds you right back up but it breaks them down too.

Oh my my, you could cry for wolves all day
you’re angry; some would say you’ve got it made
Oh my my, you could cry for wolves all day,
it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad
it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad.

And all the dirt got tracked across my floor
like a warning from your feet onto my door
and I remember days when we used to sit,
but looking at you now, you’re full of shit,
so share.

After, who’re you gonna sell your soul?
After, who’re you gonna sell your soul? 


Sativa Snow (Lyrics)

Laying in a bed of feathers
walking through the sides of a lucid dream,
watching faces weather,
stretching and contorting like Edy’s scream
out, dancing in the candle light,
singing in the candle light,
you know me all too well.
So hold me, and sway me, rock me like a baby
push me under when the thunder goes boom,
make me wonder, make me swoon,
under a midnight moon,
sativa, sativa snow,

sativa snow, sativa snow, sativa snow, sativa snow. 

Sitting by a cardboard sun,
but it burns in my arm like a lit cigar,
let it out for a run, never thought I’d ever let it run
this far out, dancing by my cardboard sun,
looking for some cardboard fun,
you stole the water from the well.
So hold me, and sway me, rock me like a baby
push me under when the thunder goes boom,
make me wonder, make me swoon,
under a midnight moon,
sativa, sativa snow.

So when the dew starts to settle,
I’ll melt your suit of metal,
while it’s dripping I’ll be sipping on the
nectar from the cups of the gods.


Worry Dance (Lyrics)

A housefly trying to sing to me
it’s got me buzzing like a symphony
while the rain came brave trying to break the snow,
the ground was trying not to let it go,
they’ve become so attached in recent days.
So wake me, break me, make me free,
peel off my skin ‘cause it’s been baking me,
it’s drenched, entrenched in all I know,
all the things that I’ve been trying to let go,
worry wants a place to stay.

Wake us up with the morning rain,
our paper youth so quick to burn away,
away, away, away, away.
Wake us up, the sun’s still shining,
breathe it in, don’t worry it all away,
away, away, away, away.

So here I lie with open chest,
baring my ribs in my most honest request,
take my worried bones away.

I’m not living anymore, like when I was a child,
open up my ropes, let my mind run wild.


The Tracks (Lyrics)

I was walking through the cold and the snow,
following a set of tracks that I did not compose,
I wonder where it goes.
The tracks they led me to the edge of the trees,
there, I caught a glimpse of it, 
and sat down on my knees,
they go where they please.
They fell in bundles on me,

Darling they go where they want to go,
darling they go where they go.

So where’s your teacher when you need her the most?
Where’s the preacher when he told me that I would be saved?
Well I guess he never came.
I could hear it as it pulsed through the trees,
burns with wisdom that the bells of a church could never bring,
let me hear them ring,
they fell in bundles on me. 


Youth (Lyrics)

When we got so high that we were
terrified that we’d die in our own skins.
Then the cops drove by and so we
closed our eyes as they passed on the left side.
And in our rearview mirrors they were
steering clear and we
laughed and we laughed and we laughed
and we were young.
Then we stole that bottle from your
parents room and we drank it like old men.
Then I caught my reflection in the
window pane and I thought that I’d
become a man.
Then I felt so strong that I
broke your vase and we
laughed and we laughed and we laughed
and we were young.

Then we got older
things started to change and you were growing up.
I stayed the same.
You laughed along but you were somewhere else.

Then we drove that car back down that
dirty road and we looked at the pop cans.
With their pin-poked holes and their
charred up skins, they were fossils of a better time.
So I picked one up, and kicked it down again,
and we laughed at the kids that we were when we were

Fuck all the kids;
I jumped the fence back where I used to live,
it stayed the same.
I laughed along but I was somewhere else.


Cold (Lyrics)

In a cold town by the shore,
there’s a hill, where the city lights shine,
in a cold, winter in the north,
I drive; the skyline’s alive.

you might be cold, but I don’t mind,
coming back to you.

And my breath leaves easier now,
like a ghost in the air.
To the left, there’s a boy in the park,
with black frozen hair.
And the road, I know every day,
the road, why should I stay?

you might be cold, but I don’t mind,
coming back to you.

And I wake in the morning
with the itch to be leaving,
every single day.
To hop to the wheel and drive into the city,
but I know I’d run away.